The art of forgiveness

It is so easy to get stuck in anger and resentment when things don’t go our way, when we feel insulted, when someone makes a comment we believe is rude.

When we carry resentment, we might constantly think about the ways we have been wronged, or certain events trigger the memory and we relive the episode. We can feel how resentment and anger act in our bodies

Nelson Mandela said “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Resentment corrodes the mind and soul of human beings.
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The funny thing is, the object of our resentment, possibly has no idea he or she offended us. They go their merry way living their lives, while we duel on something that happened maybe a long time ago. Resentment only affects us.

But what happens when the person you resent is you? You might not even be aware of it, but it is ingrained in human behavior, we have learned to resent us for everything we do, and everything we don’t do.

If you are thinking that you have never felt resentment for yourself, let’s do an exercise. Have you ever notice that after an argument, an interview or any interaction with another human, you keep ruminating about it, thinking of all the ways you felt short. How you didn’t have it together, you even come with phrases like “I should have said this … “, “I can’t believe I did …” , “If I could take that back…”, “what was I thinking” etc… I bet you have.

Sometimes we carry that around with us for hours, days, months and even years. Resentment can feel like anger, uneasiness, remorse. We might have the inability of stop thinking about the event and it might trigger more negative self talk.

Whatever it is, already is in the past, but we keep bringing to our present, we keep punishing ourselves, drinking that poison .

When we judge and criticize ourselves constantly, we are preventing us from living fully. We stop believing in who we are and what we stand for, and our belief system gets tinted. The negative self talk might start as something we don’t really notice, but it can grow into something that as any poison, prevents us from being able to respond.

It is important to recognize resentment in our lives in order to let it go. When we first try to let go of resentment, it’s normal to have a lot of emotions come up like fear, resistance, and anger especially when resentment has been held for a long time and it has had time to settle in our lives.

Emotions like this take time to process. Allow yourself to feel it, be curious about it. How did it started, is there a possibility of a misunderstanding, are you willing and able to look at it from a different perspective?

Forgiveness is the conscious act of letting go of resentment, and the most important forgiveness you can provide is to yourself. Start by having some self-compassion, acknowledge that you are a human and parts of you provide that judgement, talk to that part as if it was a good friend. When you notice negative self-talk, talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend in that situation, you can even use the third person.

Lean into mindfulness and gratitude, notice everything around you with fresh eyes. I mean it, start describing everything around you with the most detail you can, this will make you be in the present moment, you will be surprised of how many new details you find in things you have seen everyday for years!

Be grateful, look at all the good that is happening right now, we are alive, we have an opportunity to create a beautiful life. What are your goals, where are you going, what are you creating?
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Give yourself the gift of forgiveness and move forward to make the most of this beautiful life you have.