On December 24th, I was traveling with my family to Mexico to celebrate Christmas Eve with my sister and nephew. We were worried as one of the worst storms we had in many year had just passed. Most flights were cancelled the day before.

We arrived and the airport was packed still with passenger from the day before that had lost their flights. Still trying to get home for the Holidays. I can only imagine what was like to be there the day before, either a stranded passenger, or an airline employee.

At the counter, Henry, the airline employee, placed my bag in the band and asked if there were any electronics in the bag. My immediate answer was no, but then I remembered that was my kid’s bag and his tablet was in it. So I looked at him and asked him if he had taken his tablet out.

At that moment, Henry interrupted my conversation in a very rude tone and said “I’m asking you if you had electronics”. I said “I’m checking, this is my kid’s bag”. Next, he proceeded to tell me that if I respected his work, I would pay attention.

I was in awe, not sure what just had happened. I explained to him that it was my kid’s bag and I wanted to make sure all electronics were out, I didn’t want to lie to him. He insisted on yelling at me that I should not interrupt him while he was talking. I wasn’t sure what was going on.

My husband simply told him “I wouldn’t get in between a mom and her kid”. Henry kept insisting on quieting me even after I answered. I left the bag and was ready to move on, my husband on the other hand, asked for his supervisor.

We talked to the supervisor and she simply said “I don’t know what happened”, no apology, no follow up, nothing. She continued on her own business.

When my kid asked what happened, I wasn’t sure what to answer. But my husband told him Henry was being racist because he changed his tone of voice when I spoke Spanish. I didn’t notice.

An maybe the supervisor was too because she simply ignored our complained.

I had to stopped and consider this very carefully, how does Diversity, Equity & Inclusion works here? What is the status quo and the rating? Who has more rights?

You might ask what does this has to do with DE&I. You see, Henry was a Middle Eastern man, the supervisor (which didn’t provide her name and her name tag was not visible) was a black woman and I am a Mexican. Could I have claimed racism and sexism at the airport and demand an apology? Probably.

I have to admit that I had never seen my husband so angry and claimed someone was being racist against me. I never noticed the moment Henry changed his tone as I was busy managing my kid.

But it is not so easy, not a simple answer. I think we have DEI sometimes wrong, we are so focused on micro (or not so micro) aggression that we are clouded by our own bias and prejudice.

Could Henry and the Supervisor had a bad day because they were exhausted from the day before? could they had had a bad day because they crashed on their way in due to icy roads? could they had a fight at home or deal with a passenger that was mean and simply took it off on me? These are all possibilities, but what I decide to assume will make the difference.

What I know for sure is that I had a choice. I got mad at the beginning, but then, I took a pause and breath. Henry was ruining my beautiful vacations, I was giving him the power to control my day. If I was not happy with him, why was I giving him so much power?

So I decided that we were on our merry way to beautiful, sunny Mexico. Family, beaches, presents waiting for us were so much better to give my undivided attention than Henry.

Do I regret talking to his supervisor? No, that was the right thing to do, but I had the option to put it behind me, to think that it was not about me, but about them. Just like second agreement “Do not take anything personally”. I was not willing to let them destroy my trip.

I am also writing a letter to the airline, because while I am not 100% certain I can claim racism, no human being should be treated that way. He was not professional on his treatment to the passengers. But in this case, is about him not being professional, not me being a victim.

Is there a place where you are allowing others to control how your days go? Are they ruining a portion of your life? Are you unconsciously giving your power away to people you would never trust with your life?

If you are, you are not alone, we all do it. But learning to recognize that and decide purposely to take our power back is doable, it just takes practice.